The Mirror Test

"दोष पराये देखि करि, चला हसत हसत / अपने याद न आवई, जिनका आदि न अंत"

We laugh at others' faults, forgetting our own have no beginning or end.

— Kabir

Have you noticed that the things you dislike in others often make you absorb the traits? Let's take an example. You don't like someone measuring their contribution in the household. It makes you feel small, insignificant, and of course angry — because your contribution too has been significant. But following such conversations, you start to measure your contributions. First internally, and then when it gets "too much" you also tend to speak about it. It's fascinating how without meaning to turn into that one thing you dislike, the transformation has already happened seamlessly.

What bothers you most in others is often loudest in the places you feel most powerless in yourself. Power here means knowing your own worth so clearly that someone else's insecurity doesn't destabilise you — that's the awareness being pointed to. If you know your contribution, you know your worth. You are confident in that role, however limited it may be. Measurement discussions won't touch you. On the contrary, you'll recognise that the person in front of you is unsure of their own role — and that's where the real shift happens.

Internally, say thank you to them. Tell them words of affirmation. What they lack is recognition — give it to them. Let them also be lifted up to where you are. And if not this, say, "Please go in peace with love and light." Release them and yourself.

That's the mirror test. What you see in others is an invitation to look inward — and what you find there is always more useful than the anger.

Love,

Arundhati