The Control Inventory

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid it."

— S. A. Jefferson Wright

I've noticed a pattern amongst our clients — and when I thought back, I realised I had it too. I call it perceived fear. It's the questions that start with "what if." What if this happens? What if it doesn't? What if they feel like this? What if they do that? What if… what if… what if…

The problem with perceived fear is in its name. It is a perception, not reality. And the fastest way to dissolve a perception is to answer it. What if this happens — what will you do? What if it doesn't — where does that lead you? Most of the time, the solution is sitting right inside the question. You just have to be willing to go there.

I say this in my one-to-one sessions often: don't ask questions and not answer them. It only takes a minute to convert perceived fear into action. Sometimes it becomes actual fear first — and then action. Either way, you owe yourself the courtesy of sitting with these questions and answering them honestly.

This is the control inventory. Most of what we spend energy on is outside our control. Very little of what we actually control gets our full attention. The "what ifs" are almost always about things you can't govern — other people's reactions, outcomes, timing. The answers, when you sit with them, almost always point back to what you can.

So pay attention to that. The task at hand. The way you respond. The standard you hold yourself to — not success as someone else defines it, but something you can actually govern. That's where your energy belongs.

Practice putting it there.

Love,

Arundhati